09-27-2017, 02:35 PM
Spring came quickly. The snow melted into sludge before it eventually disappeared completely. The jackets, gloves, and hats were put away and shorts, dresses, and tank tops started to emerge.
The world went from bland colors of clothing and white snow to vibrate reds, greens, and yellows. Every thing was growing and life was being brought back into the world.
The loft apartment did not hold the same sentiment of renewal. It had been decorated without any input on Blake or Riane’s part. Mostly dark brown couches with cherry wood tables and chairs. The entire house looked like her father’s office.
There was a second story where the bedroom was, but it had no walls and one could simply look down into the living room. The two bathrooms, which had everything in plain white, were only place where any privacy could be sought.
Only one king size bed had been purchased which was an obvious attempt at pushing the two of them closer.
Blake had watched the movers that morning take all of his belongings to storage, except for what he would need at his new apartment. It felt like his life was being stolen from him, and a new, less promising one was being forced upon him.
Over the last few weeks, he had tried to come to terms with what had happened. Riane didn’t seem to bare him any ill will, but she was not the same person she had recently become.
Under her father’s thumb once more, she was having panic attacks daily and she was unwilling to leave her bedroom. Now, she had no more bedroom but an entirely exposed apartment which would offer her no time alone, unless Blake wasn’t there.
Of course, Riane tried to act the part for Blake and her father, but it was obvious to Blake it was all for show. Especially because when they were alone, she offered no smile, no happiness what so ever.
Julian didn’t help at all, either. He could be seen at school, but he purposefully never looked her way, and he had started acting like his old self again. Adonia hung around him and though they didn’t seem to be in any intimate relationship, it wasn’t from Adonia lack of trying.
It looked like she had never existed in his world, and that feeling devastated Riane to the core.
Blake hated the position he had been put into. He hadn’t won Riane away from Julian; her father had stolen her and acted like she belonged to him all along.
It pained him to watch all this unfold. It pained him to be with the woman he realized he loved, having everything within reach, and wanting none of it at all. He cared more about his best friend, and about her heart break then his own feelings.
Blake knew there were only two ways this could end happily. Either he somehow helped her and Julian get back together, or he figured out a way to make Riane love him again. He would only do the latter if the former failed.
He had decided this had gone on long enough. He would need allies, and he had just the right people in mind. He wasn’t going to share his plan with Riane, but he would be damned if he just married this woman to protect her and live a life of mediocre love.
“I am going to see Ivy today, do you want to come?” Riane asked as she sat on the couch with a laptop on her lap.
Blake was standing in the elongated kitchen, “No, you two have fun. Girls… um… afternoon, I guess.”
He knew meeting with Ivy was a moment for her to relax and be able to be the person she once was, and he didn’t want to remind her of the suffering she was dealing with.
In fact, all he felt like was he brought her pain, but he refused to let her be sent across the country. If he did that, she and Julian wouldn’t have any chance at all.
He had stopped bringing up Julian weeks before when Riane yelled at him for constantly reminded her of him. She had told him she would focus on him now and that would be her future.
A small part wanted to end it at that. Let her just set her mind to being with him and move forward, but his own heart couldn’t bear the thought of loving a woman, living with her, marrying her, and having children with her when he knew she had wanted someone else.
The idea of even kissing such a woman made his stomach churn. He wanted his partner to be a willing individual, and not some prostitute or slave going through the motions.
“Your loss. She is hilarious.” Riane mumbled and continued to play on her laptop without ever looking up at him.
He hated when she talked to him like everything was alright, especially on their first day of living together. “I bet.”
This was torture.
Playing house with someone you loved and knowing they were just an actor in a screenplay they didn’t want to be in.
It was hard to look at her sometimes. It was even more difficult to hold her hand and put his arm around her shoulder whenever her father decided to check up on them. The whole thing was a ploy Riane had made up in order to keep her father from acting any further.
Thier once rich conversations were now nothing more than pleasantries between one another. Studying together had become a moment of silence, and the drives home were more of the same.
He wondered what Riane thought of all this. For her to share her feelings with him could make all it so much easier to swallow, but she pretended she had no idea what he was talking about when he brought it up.
An actor in a screenplay. Pretending to be his girlfriend and acting like she was in love with him.
It was cruel.
He wanted to tell her how much pain she was causing him, but he feared she would run away and accept the offer across the country.
Sometimes he told himself he didn’t want to lose her, but he also didn’t want to keep her in this way. He wanted to believe things could get better, but there would be only one way to know for certain.
He had to make Julian and Riane at least try. Their denial was too much. They had to do something, anything at all.
Seth was sitting beside her and eating a sandwich he had made in the kitchen. He was trying to stick close to her so she felt comfortable, but also pay enough attention to Julian who was melting down again.
Dalen was sitting next to Seth and reading some news articles on his phone. He would casually look up at his friend to nod or make a random comment.
Finally, there was Julian, who had taken an entire couch for himself and was going on several different rants. It began with there being no soda for him in the fridge, then went to cafeteria food, and it divulged into many other forms over the last hour.
Everyone knew he wasn’t really complaining about soda or food. This was a rant about Riane again, as they were all aware this was the day she would be moving in with Blake. It was their own private apartment, not like living with Julian’s entire family. This felt different.
Of course, there was only so much someone could care about Julian’s heartbreak, considering he did nothing about it. He didn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t talk about it. He didn’t even admit it was the reason he was upset.
No, it was always a bad driver or waitress. He wouldn’t even admit it when he started tearing up over a commercial that had a couple in it, which he decided depicted an inaccurate dating structure.
The sympathy of his friends had been depleted. They had all started out brokenhearted with him and for him, but as time had gone on, Julian had become insufferable and downright annoying.
He had multiple attempts at scaring Emma away, just because she reminded him of Riane. Even though he would never admit to it being the reason he suddenly didn’t like her.
The three of them had come up with a system which would either silence him or make him run away in anger. Just talk about Riane. Whenever one of them had enough, they would bring up Riane and the other two would join in.
Now if there was real news in there, Julian would listen, but if it was just to bring up past hurt then he would flee.
They knew it was a cruel strategy, but how long were they meant to listen to a man’s heart break when he refused to heal or do anything to return to his love?
It was usually Dalen who had any information on Riane because he was “friends” with Ivy. No one bought their relationship was simply friendly as there had been several nights over the last few weeks where he had been unreachable. He had no excuse for his whereabouts either.
However, they had stopped making fun of it, when they realized he must be keeping it a secret for a reason. Seth and Emma had been the only ones to care, as Julian seemed completely uninterested in his best friend sleeping with his former semi-girlfriend type person. No one knew what Ivy had been to him, but what really matter was the answer was nothing now.
“And how do you not know that green beans aren’t meant for brown gravy? I mean it is just common sense!” Julian yelled while laying on his back on the couch as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Whose common sense?” Emma mumbled to Seth and Julian didn’t seem to notice her words at all.
“Brown gravy is starches like potatoes and for meats like Salisbury steak, not for green beans or corn for that matter! I mean why would you pair the two together.” He huffed.
Dalen looked up from his phone, “Wasn’t the gravy on the Salisbury steak and they just gave you green beans because you asked for them?”
Julian snorted, “You are missing the point! Why wouldn’t they warn me the two wouldn’t go together?”
“Don’t they put green beans in stew? Isn’t that similar to a gravy?” Seth asked, “I mean depending on whether or not you make the stew thicker or watery, I guess.”
Emma smirked. The time in the evening had come when Julian’s comparisons to his relationship with Riane were so convoluted that it was time to make fun of it and more importantly frustrate the crap out of their friend.
“Stew is not gravy!” Julian barked and sat up straight, “Gravy goes with dinner and stew is dinner!”
“But yeah, I mean gravy can be like a soup and stew is a type of soup, right?” Emma asked him with what appeared to be a serious expression though she was trying not to laugh.
“What the fuck? Soup is not gravy! Soup is a dinner or side dish, no one just has a bowl of gravy with dinner!” He never seemed to catch on they were purposefully being annoying.
“I don’t know. I mean around Thanksgiving, I can eat a lot of gravy.” Dalen informed him with a grin. “I’d almost say it was a side dish to me then.”
“No it wasn’t, because you didn’t eat it on its own!” Julian stood up from the couch. “I can’t believe you people are actually arguing that soup and stew are gravy!” He started to head for the kitchen.
“I think we are arguing gravy could be a soup or stew.” Dalen correct him as he slammed the swinging door behind him.
The three friends looked between each other and chuckled lightly, before returning to the activities. Emma pulled out her own phone and began to play a game app, while Seth finished off his salami sandwich.
Dalen sighed with a slight grin on his lips as he continued to read his new articles. All the way, they could hear Julian doing something in the kitchen while he ranted to himself.
When he finally emerged, he had his own sandwich and sat down on the couch with his eyes firmly attached to Seth.
His friend could feel the eyes on him and made a huge mistake by looking up at Julian.
“Did you put pizza sauce on your sandwich?” Julian growled.
Seth closed his eyes briefly, and instantly regretted the moment he saw the pizza sauce jaw in the fridge. “I thought it would make it taste like pizza.” It was the only excuse he could come up with, and it did indeed make his sandwich enjoyable.
“Salami and pizza sauce don’t go together.” Julian hissed.
Dalen looked up from his phone, as a silent collective groan formed around the three of them. “They put salami on pizza. Shut it.”
Julian didn’t snap back at Dalen, but instead began to eat his food and to everyone’s enjoyment he did so silently.
Ivy never asked about Julian or even tried to convince her to try to make something work. She would listen nod her head and give a kind word, before they changed the subject to something more cheery.
She never felt judged around her new friend, and therefore she never judged her in return.
Ivy’s new job afforded her more time and money, and she was preparing to leave the studio apartment she lived in and move to a nicer place. They had both hoped she could move somewhere near Riane’s new apartment, but the rent was simply too expensive.
Riane knew Ivy was dating someone “from work,” but she never told her a name or anything about him. She didn’t want to spoil the secrecy of their relationship.
“Sorry, I am so late.” Ivy announced as she hurried over to sit down at the table across from Riane. They were both wearing long summer dresses with a light button up sweater. “We match.”
Riane smiled as she looked at Ivy’s light blue dress paired with a pink sweater, while her own was flower print with a white background and white sweater.
She had changed her style of dress and though Riane didn’t say anything, she often felt Ivy had used Riane’s own style as a blueprint. It made her laugh a little because if Nanette hadn’t helped her to get out of her comfort zone when it came to clothes, she could only imagine the boyish look Ivy might be sporting.
“Indeed we do.” Riane replied and pushed the coffee in a large brown mug towards her friend. “I ordered for you.”
The cafe around them was pretty dead, except for an occasional customer who entered and left with their purchase. It felt like it was exclusively there own.
“Thanks!” Ivy took a sip of her coffee, “Your clothes are probably from an expensive line though, huh? Mine are employee discount at Hurstmart.”
Riane looked down at her clothing, “I don’t remember where I bought this. It was one of the shopping trips Nanette took me on, so probably.”
Ivy had removed the odd colors from her hair and dyed it back to a dark blonde. Riane had barely recognized her the first time she saw it.
“Have you even been in a Hurstmart?” She asked with a giggle before taking a big gulp of her coffee.
Riane thought for a moment, and then grinned “You know, I don’t think so. Should we go?”
“I don’t want to go to work on my day off, you go by yourself.” Ivy laughed and spoke in faux annoyance.
She stuck out her tongue slightly, “You’re no fun.”
The two fell silent for a moment, before Ivy asked. “So, move in day, how did it go?”
“Seamlessly. My father seemed to take a real interest in this project. He picked all of the furniture, the dishes, everything it seems. It’s like if he had a bachelor pad this would be it.” Riane sighed, “It’s hideous, but I guess over time we will be able to change it to our own tastes.”
“How is Blake handling it?”
She frowned, “He treats me with kids gloves. You know I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after a few weeks, and I would get used to dating him, but he always looks like he is apologizing to me in his head.”
“So, a twenty four seven pity party being thrown just for you?” Ivy shook her head slowly, “Yeah, that would get fucking annoying.”
Riane smiled at her, “It is pretty fucking annoying. I know this is weird for both of us, but I accepted what is to come. As far as husbands and boyfriends go, I could do worse than Blake.”
“You did do worse.” Ivy joked.
Riane’s smile widened as she thought of Julian, “I miss being loved like that though. For a long time after I moved home, I expected him to burst through my bedroom door with my morning tea or coffee, and announce what he made for breakfast.”
Ivy lowered her eyes when she realized she had brought about bitter memories for her friend. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
She shook her head, “No, it’s alright. I just wish he didn’t act like nothing ever happened between us. When I see him at school, he won’t even look at me and sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream.”
“No, it wasn’t a dream. I actually attacked you two outside a really fancy restaurant and I was so drunk at the time too.” Ivy put her head to her forehead. “If only that were a dream.”
Riane laughed briefly, but decided she didn’t want to be sad any longer and changed the subject. “So, how are you and your secret lover doing?”
Ivy’s blush over her embarrassing behavior turned more red at the question. “Don’t call him that.”
“He’s not married or anything, right?”
She sighed audibly, “I told you a hundred times, it isn’t anything like that. We are just keeping things quiet and private for the moment until we understand the nature of our relationship.”
“Uh huh.” Riane sipped her black coffee which was lukewarm since she had waited for over twenty minutes for Ivy to arrive.
“I don’t see Joe anywhere, how’d you get here?” Ivy asked wanting to change the subject.
“Blake drove me. Hey, didn’t you get a car?”
She nodded, “It’s an older car, but I could afford the payments.”
“Do you want to drive me home afterward? I can show you the apartment.” She began to stand up.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Great, I am going to use the bathroom.” Riane pointed towards the bathroom door before she walked away.
Ivy pulled out her phone from her purse and went to her texting list where she found Dalen’s name. “I am meeting with Riane right now. She is smiling and laughing a lot more. It’s nice to see it. How’s your monster?” She texted.
After a couple moments he responded, “Insufferable.”
Matilda only contacted Riane twice a year and sometimes not at all. She didn’t know what finding her would do, but she hoped she could talk her into coming out here to see her daughter. Anything to alleviate the pain she felt for her betrayal.
As she was turning down the snack isle, her eyes met with Dalen’s own. He seemed to be picking out some unhealthy snacks, most likely because Seth and Julian were at his home.
She feared he would greet her, instead he turned his attention back to the food before him and pretended as if he hadn’t noticed her. She was thankful for it and began to back out of the isle, but as she did so, many thoughts came to mind. There were things she needed to say and she didn’t know when she would get the chance again.
She hadn’t seen him since their Hawaii trip, and she never explained herself to him. She had simply disappeared from his life.
Mustering up the courage, she walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey.”
Dalen turned his attention to her with a look of exasperation. “I was hoping you’d take the opportunity and just ignore me.”
Joe slowly nodded, “I deserve that. I did see the opportunity, but I just wanted to say a few things if you’ll let me. We might not get another chance.”
“Look, I have a pretty destroyed friend at my house who is stomping around asking for potato chips.” As annoying as Julian was being right now, he still tried to help him. Even if he couldn’t get him back together with Riane, at the very least it was his duty to help him get over her.
“I know, Riane has been having a rough time as well. I just feel terrible for the both of them.” She wasn’t about to admit it was her fault this happened, but she did in fact feel guilt for what she had done.
“I have no interest in discussing this with you.” He tried to move around her, but Joe stepped in front of him.
“Just one minute, alright? That’s all I need.” She looked up at him, but his face remained hardened. “Please?”
Dalen sighed, “Fine, make it quick. I have better things to do with my day then reminisce with ex-girlfriends.”
She didn’t particularly care for his coldness, but she had things she wanted to get off her chest and getting into an argument with him would be counter productive. “I know, so do I.”
Holding onto his little red basket he waited for her to speak, and tried to muster up as much patience as he could.
“I wanted to explain why things went down the way they did. It just seemed like I changed my mind every ten seconds about us, and I started fights when I should have voiced my issues instead.”
Dalen remained quiet as he listened.
“Now that I am removed from the situation, I know why I did it. I was purposely sabotaging our relationship.” She explained, “I think the idea of dating a rich man was too much for me. I always felt inferior, and I thought to the future and how I would be treated by your family and friends. How I would be seen in your business world, and I just couldn’t muster enough strength to be brave in front of them.”
He nodded, “I figured as much.”
“It made me very insecure, and I wanted things to end but I also didn’t want to hurt you.”
He scoffed, “So, you thought raising my hopes in Hawaii and then crushing me by completely ignoring me when we got home was the better bet?”
“No.” Joe sighed audibly and ran her hand through her hair. “When we were in Hawaii, it felt like the rest of the world didn’t matter. There we were equals, but as soon as we got back home, I remembered everything that bothered me. I ran away like a coward instead of explaining myself. It was cruel, and I apologize.”
Dalen nodded his head, “Well, I appreciate you telling me the truth, but I really need to get home.”
“Of course, thank you for listening.” She stepped aside and turned her attention to the snacks before her, as she tried to think of what Neil might like. He had told her to pick whatever she wanted, but she wanted to make sure they both could enjoy it.
“Joe.” Dalen’s voice came from the end of the isle, but it wasn’t harsh like it had been before.
She looked up at him without saying a word, as her hand reached out for a bag of popcorn.
“We were always equals. You were the only one getting in the way, it was never the money.” Dalen told her and before she could respond he left the isle and made his way towards the cashier.
Joe stood quietly for a moment as she thought over his words, and guessed he was probably right. She had been the problem with their relationship, neither Dalen nor his money had done anything wrong.
Pulling out her phone, she sent a text to Neil as she tried to figure out their snack situation. “Is pre-popped popcorn, alright?”
She looked towards the front of the grocery store, pass all the vegetables and fruits to where Dalen stood speaking to the cashier. He smiled as he talked to her and looked just as handsome as when he first smiled at her.
In her heart, she knew she had ruined everything, but it was nice to have it confirmed by the person she had hurt. She felt sorry for him and knew she had forever destroyed something which had been comfortable and nice.
“That stuff gets stuck in my teeth.” Neil replied back. “Can you grab me a couple red apples, if you are getting it?”
“Sure.” She answered him and walked over to the apples with the bag of popcorn in hand. She pulled out a couple of the biggest and nicest looking once and placed them in a small plastic bag the store offered.
Walking to the front of the store, she smiled at the very cashier Dalen had been dealing with, but by this time he was gone.
Her heart was a contradiction. It felt both heavier and lighter after speaking to him. She knew he would need a lot of time before even looking at her wouldn’t bring negative emotions, and she promised herself to take the opportunities to walk away if ever she were to bump into him again.
He smiled at Ivy as he walked up to the table which was surrounded by many other shoppers. It was very loud with all the chatter, but he was heard well enough when he announced himself.
Ivy stood up and hugged him briefly, “It’s good to see you.”
“Nice to see you too.” He responded even though he had just seen her last week when she and Riane had done this exact same thing. Not to mention every week before that, but he figured she didn’t know what else to say.
“We just started eating.” Riane told him when he kissed her cheek before continuing to stand and looking around the food court.
“Good, I am hungry. I’ll go find something.” He told her before getting into the shortest line to a Chinese food stand.
Ivy noticed Blake always kissed her cheek as if it was out of obligation, because neither of them looked as if they enjoyed the touch. “I guess we went over, huh?”
Riane nodded, “Yeah, but that is why I suggested we eat lunch.”
She knew her friend had done this on purpose as to prolong the time before Riane had to be alone with Blake again. It was sad to know how close they once were and how comfortable Riane was around him, only for it to be completely destroyed by her father. He added an element into their relationship which had died on Riane’s side and was dying in Blake’s heart.
Now it constantly looked like they were trying to make something work they didn’t have their heart set in. Ivy knew a thing or two about forcing feelings, but this was also not her place.
She had ordered a kid’s burger and had finished it by the time Blake had returned to the table with a bowl of white rice and kung pao chicken poured over it.
“Done already?” Blake asked as he sat down.
She nodded with a smile before looking at the clock on her phone, “Yep, and I need to get home. I have a night shift and I want to get in a nap and a shower before I go.” While it was true, she had more than enough time, she just didn’t want to be around the uncomfortable couple more than necessary.
Riane and Ivy hugged goodbye, and she simply waved at Blake before disappearing into the crowd.
The two ate in relative silence, before Blake spotted a couple in the distance. They were holding hands on the table and he looked down at Riane’s left hand which just rested on the table as she finished up her french fries.
He had tried this before and had been rejected, but Riane had told him she wanted to legitimately give their relationship a shot. He knew it would never work out, but part of him wanted to try even if he knew he really should be helping her to see Julian again. Half of him was a would be romantic partner and the other half her best friend, and the two were always at odds with one another.
Today, the would be romantic partner had won the day, and he reached out his hand to hold her own. It shocked Riane and she retracted her hand immediately, and she seemed to play it off as they had accidentally bumped hands.
Blake didn’t know why he decided to bring this up here in the middle of all these people, but his selfish side would not wait. “Are you certain you want to try to make this work between us? I told you if you want you can...”
She cut him off, “I am not interested in seeing him. It’s over. Yes, I want to give this a try. I want to make this work.”
“But no touching you at all then?” He watched her look at him with concern and curiosity. “You don’t want me to kiss you or hold your hand. You realize for this to work, I am going to have to do a lot more touching than that some day, right?” He regretted speaking those words immediately. They made him sound like some horny jerk who only wanted her for sex.
Riane to her credit remained calm, but in truth she had never really gotten mad at him since they started dating. “I know, but I am just not ready.”
He already knew that, “It’s been months, and I just don’t see this working out. I feel like we are both wasting our time, but more and more I feel like you are using me to stay here.” Again, he felt like an asshole for speaking so bluntly, but the friend portion of his mind remained silent. He needed to know where he stood truthfully, so his heart wouldn’t think there could ever be a future if there was none to be had.
Riane scoffed, “You were the one who told my father you agreed to this. You wanted me to stay here instead of being sent away. If you recall, I had absolutely no say in this relationship until after a deal was struck with my father.”
“So, you would have rather I let you go half way across the country to people you didn’t even know?”
She slowly shook her head, “No, I am not saying that. I am both grateful and resentful for what has happened. I am also heartbroken, but you can’t make me heal or forgive any faster than I can.”
Blake poked at his meal with his fork for several moments, before looking up at Riane and offering a nod. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. This is very frustrating and sometimes I forget this is even harder on you.”
Riane shook her head quickly and reached out her hand to hold his own. “This is difficult for us both. I really am trying, but I didn’t just lose a boyfriend, I lost many friends too and people who were becoming a family to me.” She paused briefly as if to prevent herself from crying. “My life was starting to feel like my own, and my father just couldn’t let that happen. No, he has to be in control.”
“Shouldn’t we just call this off, even if it is just between us, and then we can figure a way to help you that doesn’t involve us getting married?” There it was; the friend side of him finally speaking up.
“No.” She shook her head. “If my father ever found out I was lying to him, he would make things far worse than they are now. We have to move forward with integrity or nothing at all.”
There was she destroying his friend portion once again, even though he knew she desperately wanted to take him up on the offer.
“We can’t go on like this forever, Riane.”
She gave a nod, “I know. We won’t. Just give me a little more time, and I’ll figure myself out.”
He didn’t believe that at all. The more she promised the more he sort of let the friend in him die, even though he knew it was wrong. Even though it was selfish to want to believe her lies because he wanted them to be true. He didn’t want to break things off, because he knew that would mean losing her forever.
The world went from bland colors of clothing and white snow to vibrate reds, greens, and yellows. Every thing was growing and life was being brought back into the world.
The loft apartment did not hold the same sentiment of renewal. It had been decorated without any input on Blake or Riane’s part. Mostly dark brown couches with cherry wood tables and chairs. The entire house looked like her father’s office.
There was a second story where the bedroom was, but it had no walls and one could simply look down into the living room. The two bathrooms, which had everything in plain white, were only place where any privacy could be sought.
Only one king size bed had been purchased which was an obvious attempt at pushing the two of them closer.
Blake had watched the movers that morning take all of his belongings to storage, except for what he would need at his new apartment. It felt like his life was being stolen from him, and a new, less promising one was being forced upon him.
Over the last few weeks, he had tried to come to terms with what had happened. Riane didn’t seem to bare him any ill will, but she was not the same person she had recently become.
Under her father’s thumb once more, she was having panic attacks daily and she was unwilling to leave her bedroom. Now, she had no more bedroom but an entirely exposed apartment which would offer her no time alone, unless Blake wasn’t there.
Of course, Riane tried to act the part for Blake and her father, but it was obvious to Blake it was all for show. Especially because when they were alone, she offered no smile, no happiness what so ever.
Julian didn’t help at all, either. He could be seen at school, but he purposefully never looked her way, and he had started acting like his old self again. Adonia hung around him and though they didn’t seem to be in any intimate relationship, it wasn’t from Adonia lack of trying.
It looked like she had never existed in his world, and that feeling devastated Riane to the core.
Blake hated the position he had been put into. He hadn’t won Riane away from Julian; her father had stolen her and acted like she belonged to him all along.
It pained him to watch all this unfold. It pained him to be with the woman he realized he loved, having everything within reach, and wanting none of it at all. He cared more about his best friend, and about her heart break then his own feelings.
Blake knew there were only two ways this could end happily. Either he somehow helped her and Julian get back together, or he figured out a way to make Riane love him again. He would only do the latter if the former failed.
He had decided this had gone on long enough. He would need allies, and he had just the right people in mind. He wasn’t going to share his plan with Riane, but he would be damned if he just married this woman to protect her and live a life of mediocre love.
“I am going to see Ivy today, do you want to come?” Riane asked as she sat on the couch with a laptop on her lap.
Blake was standing in the elongated kitchen, “No, you two have fun. Girls… um… afternoon, I guess.”
He knew meeting with Ivy was a moment for her to relax and be able to be the person she once was, and he didn’t want to remind her of the suffering she was dealing with.
In fact, all he felt like was he brought her pain, but he refused to let her be sent across the country. If he did that, she and Julian wouldn’t have any chance at all.
He had stopped bringing up Julian weeks before when Riane yelled at him for constantly reminded her of him. She had told him she would focus on him now and that would be her future.
A small part wanted to end it at that. Let her just set her mind to being with him and move forward, but his own heart couldn’t bear the thought of loving a woman, living with her, marrying her, and having children with her when he knew she had wanted someone else.
The idea of even kissing such a woman made his stomach churn. He wanted his partner to be a willing individual, and not some prostitute or slave going through the motions.
“Your loss. She is hilarious.” Riane mumbled and continued to play on her laptop without ever looking up at him.
He hated when she talked to him like everything was alright, especially on their first day of living together. “I bet.”
This was torture.
Playing house with someone you loved and knowing they were just an actor in a screenplay they didn’t want to be in.
It was hard to look at her sometimes. It was even more difficult to hold her hand and put his arm around her shoulder whenever her father decided to check up on them. The whole thing was a ploy Riane had made up in order to keep her father from acting any further.
Thier once rich conversations were now nothing more than pleasantries between one another. Studying together had become a moment of silence, and the drives home were more of the same.
He wondered what Riane thought of all this. For her to share her feelings with him could make all it so much easier to swallow, but she pretended she had no idea what he was talking about when he brought it up.
An actor in a screenplay. Pretending to be his girlfriend and acting like she was in love with him.
It was cruel.
He wanted to tell her how much pain she was causing him, but he feared she would run away and accept the offer across the country.
Sometimes he told himself he didn’t want to lose her, but he also didn’t want to keep her in this way. He wanted to believe things could get better, but there would be only one way to know for certain.
He had to make Julian and Riane at least try. Their denial was too much. They had to do something, anything at all.
---***---
Emma sat in Dalen’s living room as she watched the three men around her. She couldn’t help but wonder how these totally different men remained friends.Seth was sitting beside her and eating a sandwich he had made in the kitchen. He was trying to stick close to her so she felt comfortable, but also pay enough attention to Julian who was melting down again.
Dalen was sitting next to Seth and reading some news articles on his phone. He would casually look up at his friend to nod or make a random comment.
Finally, there was Julian, who had taken an entire couch for himself and was going on several different rants. It began with there being no soda for him in the fridge, then went to cafeteria food, and it divulged into many other forms over the last hour.
Everyone knew he wasn’t really complaining about soda or food. This was a rant about Riane again, as they were all aware this was the day she would be moving in with Blake. It was their own private apartment, not like living with Julian’s entire family. This felt different.
Of course, there was only so much someone could care about Julian’s heartbreak, considering he did nothing about it. He didn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t talk about it. He didn’t even admit it was the reason he was upset.
No, it was always a bad driver or waitress. He wouldn’t even admit it when he started tearing up over a commercial that had a couple in it, which he decided depicted an inaccurate dating structure.
The sympathy of his friends had been depleted. They had all started out brokenhearted with him and for him, but as time had gone on, Julian had become insufferable and downright annoying.
He had multiple attempts at scaring Emma away, just because she reminded him of Riane. Even though he would never admit to it being the reason he suddenly didn’t like her.
The three of them had come up with a system which would either silence him or make him run away in anger. Just talk about Riane. Whenever one of them had enough, they would bring up Riane and the other two would join in.
Now if there was real news in there, Julian would listen, but if it was just to bring up past hurt then he would flee.
They knew it was a cruel strategy, but how long were they meant to listen to a man’s heart break when he refused to heal or do anything to return to his love?
It was usually Dalen who had any information on Riane because he was “friends” with Ivy. No one bought their relationship was simply friendly as there had been several nights over the last few weeks where he had been unreachable. He had no excuse for his whereabouts either.
However, they had stopped making fun of it, when they realized he must be keeping it a secret for a reason. Seth and Emma had been the only ones to care, as Julian seemed completely uninterested in his best friend sleeping with his former semi-girlfriend type person. No one knew what Ivy had been to him, but what really matter was the answer was nothing now.
“And how do you not know that green beans aren’t meant for brown gravy? I mean it is just common sense!” Julian yelled while laying on his back on the couch as he stared up at the ceiling.
“Whose common sense?” Emma mumbled to Seth and Julian didn’t seem to notice her words at all.
“Brown gravy is starches like potatoes and for meats like Salisbury steak, not for green beans or corn for that matter! I mean why would you pair the two together.” He huffed.
Dalen looked up from his phone, “Wasn’t the gravy on the Salisbury steak and they just gave you green beans because you asked for them?”
Julian snorted, “You are missing the point! Why wouldn’t they warn me the two wouldn’t go together?”
“Don’t they put green beans in stew? Isn’t that similar to a gravy?” Seth asked, “I mean depending on whether or not you make the stew thicker or watery, I guess.”
Emma smirked. The time in the evening had come when Julian’s comparisons to his relationship with Riane were so convoluted that it was time to make fun of it and more importantly frustrate the crap out of their friend.
“Stew is not gravy!” Julian barked and sat up straight, “Gravy goes with dinner and stew is dinner!”
“But yeah, I mean gravy can be like a soup and stew is a type of soup, right?” Emma asked him with what appeared to be a serious expression though she was trying not to laugh.
“What the fuck? Soup is not gravy! Soup is a dinner or side dish, no one just has a bowl of gravy with dinner!” He never seemed to catch on they were purposefully being annoying.
“I don’t know. I mean around Thanksgiving, I can eat a lot of gravy.” Dalen informed him with a grin. “I’d almost say it was a side dish to me then.”
“No it wasn’t, because you didn’t eat it on its own!” Julian stood up from the couch. “I can’t believe you people are actually arguing that soup and stew are gravy!” He started to head for the kitchen.
“I think we are arguing gravy could be a soup or stew.” Dalen correct him as he slammed the swinging door behind him.
The three friends looked between each other and chuckled lightly, before returning to the activities. Emma pulled out her own phone and began to play a game app, while Seth finished off his salami sandwich.
Dalen sighed with a slight grin on his lips as he continued to read his new articles. All the way, they could hear Julian doing something in the kitchen while he ranted to himself.
When he finally emerged, he had his own sandwich and sat down on the couch with his eyes firmly attached to Seth.
His friend could feel the eyes on him and made a huge mistake by looking up at Julian.
“Did you put pizza sauce on your sandwich?” Julian growled.
Seth closed his eyes briefly, and instantly regretted the moment he saw the pizza sauce jaw in the fridge. “I thought it would make it taste like pizza.” It was the only excuse he could come up with, and it did indeed make his sandwich enjoyable.
“Salami and pizza sauce don’t go together.” Julian hissed.
Dalen looked up from his phone, as a silent collective groan formed around the three of them. “They put salami on pizza. Shut it.”
Julian didn’t snap back at Dalen, but instead began to eat his food and to everyone’s enjoyment he did so silently.
---***---
Riane sat at the coffee shop as she waited for Ivy to arrive. She had reached out to her after her break up with Julian, and the two became fast friends. Ivy never asked about Julian or even tried to convince her to try to make something work. She would listen nod her head and give a kind word, before they changed the subject to something more cheery.
She never felt judged around her new friend, and therefore she never judged her in return.
Ivy’s new job afforded her more time and money, and she was preparing to leave the studio apartment she lived in and move to a nicer place. They had both hoped she could move somewhere near Riane’s new apartment, but the rent was simply too expensive.
Riane knew Ivy was dating someone “from work,” but she never told her a name or anything about him. She didn’t want to spoil the secrecy of their relationship.
“Sorry, I am so late.” Ivy announced as she hurried over to sit down at the table across from Riane. They were both wearing long summer dresses with a light button up sweater. “We match.”
Riane smiled as she looked at Ivy’s light blue dress paired with a pink sweater, while her own was flower print with a white background and white sweater.
She had changed her style of dress and though Riane didn’t say anything, she often felt Ivy had used Riane’s own style as a blueprint. It made her laugh a little because if Nanette hadn’t helped her to get out of her comfort zone when it came to clothes, she could only imagine the boyish look Ivy might be sporting.
“Indeed we do.” Riane replied and pushed the coffee in a large brown mug towards her friend. “I ordered for you.”
The cafe around them was pretty dead, except for an occasional customer who entered and left with their purchase. It felt like it was exclusively there own.
“Thanks!” Ivy took a sip of her coffee, “Your clothes are probably from an expensive line though, huh? Mine are employee discount at Hurstmart.”
Riane looked down at her clothing, “I don’t remember where I bought this. It was one of the shopping trips Nanette took me on, so probably.”
Ivy had removed the odd colors from her hair and dyed it back to a dark blonde. Riane had barely recognized her the first time she saw it.
“Have you even been in a Hurstmart?” She asked with a giggle before taking a big gulp of her coffee.
Riane thought for a moment, and then grinned “You know, I don’t think so. Should we go?”
“I don’t want to go to work on my day off, you go by yourself.” Ivy laughed and spoke in faux annoyance.
She stuck out her tongue slightly, “You’re no fun.”
The two fell silent for a moment, before Ivy asked. “So, move in day, how did it go?”
“Seamlessly. My father seemed to take a real interest in this project. He picked all of the furniture, the dishes, everything it seems. It’s like if he had a bachelor pad this would be it.” Riane sighed, “It’s hideous, but I guess over time we will be able to change it to our own tastes.”
“How is Blake handling it?”
She frowned, “He treats me with kids gloves. You know I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after a few weeks, and I would get used to dating him, but he always looks like he is apologizing to me in his head.”
“So, a twenty four seven pity party being thrown just for you?” Ivy shook her head slowly, “Yeah, that would get fucking annoying.”
Riane smiled at her, “It is pretty fucking annoying. I know this is weird for both of us, but I accepted what is to come. As far as husbands and boyfriends go, I could do worse than Blake.”
“You did do worse.” Ivy joked.
Riane’s smile widened as she thought of Julian, “I miss being loved like that though. For a long time after I moved home, I expected him to burst through my bedroom door with my morning tea or coffee, and announce what he made for breakfast.”
Ivy lowered her eyes when she realized she had brought about bitter memories for her friend. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
She shook her head, “No, it’s alright. I just wish he didn’t act like nothing ever happened between us. When I see him at school, he won’t even look at me and sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream.”
“No, it wasn’t a dream. I actually attacked you two outside a really fancy restaurant and I was so drunk at the time too.” Ivy put her head to her forehead. “If only that were a dream.”
Riane laughed briefly, but decided she didn’t want to be sad any longer and changed the subject. “So, how are you and your secret lover doing?”
Ivy’s blush over her embarrassing behavior turned more red at the question. “Don’t call him that.”
“He’s not married or anything, right?”
She sighed audibly, “I told you a hundred times, it isn’t anything like that. We are just keeping things quiet and private for the moment until we understand the nature of our relationship.”
“Uh huh.” Riane sipped her black coffee which was lukewarm since she had waited for over twenty minutes for Ivy to arrive.
“I don’t see Joe anywhere, how’d you get here?” Ivy asked wanting to change the subject.
“Blake drove me. Hey, didn’t you get a car?”
She nodded, “It’s an older car, but I could afford the payments.”
“Do you want to drive me home afterward? I can show you the apartment.” She began to stand up.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Great, I am going to use the bathroom.” Riane pointed towards the bathroom door before she walked away.
Ivy pulled out her phone from her purse and went to her texting list where she found Dalen’s name. “I am meeting with Riane right now. She is smiling and laughing a lot more. It’s nice to see it. How’s your monster?” She texted.
After a couple moments he responded, “Insufferable.”
---***---
Joe walked into the grocery store to pick up some snacks before heading over to Neil’s home. They had been working on locating Riane’s mother, but so far had come up empty handed. Matilda only contacted Riane twice a year and sometimes not at all. She didn’t know what finding her would do, but she hoped she could talk her into coming out here to see her daughter. Anything to alleviate the pain she felt for her betrayal.
As she was turning down the snack isle, her eyes met with Dalen’s own. He seemed to be picking out some unhealthy snacks, most likely because Seth and Julian were at his home.
She feared he would greet her, instead he turned his attention back to the food before him and pretended as if he hadn’t noticed her. She was thankful for it and began to back out of the isle, but as she did so, many thoughts came to mind. There were things she needed to say and she didn’t know when she would get the chance again.
She hadn’t seen him since their Hawaii trip, and she never explained herself to him. She had simply disappeared from his life.
Mustering up the courage, she walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey.”
Dalen turned his attention to her with a look of exasperation. “I was hoping you’d take the opportunity and just ignore me.”
Joe slowly nodded, “I deserve that. I did see the opportunity, but I just wanted to say a few things if you’ll let me. We might not get another chance.”
“Look, I have a pretty destroyed friend at my house who is stomping around asking for potato chips.” As annoying as Julian was being right now, he still tried to help him. Even if he couldn’t get him back together with Riane, at the very least it was his duty to help him get over her.
“I know, Riane has been having a rough time as well. I just feel terrible for the both of them.” She wasn’t about to admit it was her fault this happened, but she did in fact feel guilt for what she had done.
“I have no interest in discussing this with you.” He tried to move around her, but Joe stepped in front of him.
“Just one minute, alright? That’s all I need.” She looked up at him, but his face remained hardened. “Please?”
Dalen sighed, “Fine, make it quick. I have better things to do with my day then reminisce with ex-girlfriends.”
She didn’t particularly care for his coldness, but she had things she wanted to get off her chest and getting into an argument with him would be counter productive. “I know, so do I.”
Holding onto his little red basket he waited for her to speak, and tried to muster up as much patience as he could.
“I wanted to explain why things went down the way they did. It just seemed like I changed my mind every ten seconds about us, and I started fights when I should have voiced my issues instead.”
Dalen remained quiet as he listened.
“Now that I am removed from the situation, I know why I did it. I was purposely sabotaging our relationship.” She explained, “I think the idea of dating a rich man was too much for me. I always felt inferior, and I thought to the future and how I would be treated by your family and friends. How I would be seen in your business world, and I just couldn’t muster enough strength to be brave in front of them.”
He nodded, “I figured as much.”
“It made me very insecure, and I wanted things to end but I also didn’t want to hurt you.”
He scoffed, “So, you thought raising my hopes in Hawaii and then crushing me by completely ignoring me when we got home was the better bet?”
“No.” Joe sighed audibly and ran her hand through her hair. “When we were in Hawaii, it felt like the rest of the world didn’t matter. There we were equals, but as soon as we got back home, I remembered everything that bothered me. I ran away like a coward instead of explaining myself. It was cruel, and I apologize.”
Dalen nodded his head, “Well, I appreciate you telling me the truth, but I really need to get home.”
“Of course, thank you for listening.” She stepped aside and turned her attention to the snacks before her, as she tried to think of what Neil might like. He had told her to pick whatever she wanted, but she wanted to make sure they both could enjoy it.
“Joe.” Dalen’s voice came from the end of the isle, but it wasn’t harsh like it had been before.
She looked up at him without saying a word, as her hand reached out for a bag of popcorn.
“We were always equals. You were the only one getting in the way, it was never the money.” Dalen told her and before she could respond he left the isle and made his way towards the cashier.
Joe stood quietly for a moment as she thought over his words, and guessed he was probably right. She had been the problem with their relationship, neither Dalen nor his money had done anything wrong.
Pulling out her phone, she sent a text to Neil as she tried to figure out their snack situation. “Is pre-popped popcorn, alright?”
She looked towards the front of the grocery store, pass all the vegetables and fruits to where Dalen stood speaking to the cashier. He smiled as he talked to her and looked just as handsome as when he first smiled at her.
In her heart, she knew she had ruined everything, but it was nice to have it confirmed by the person she had hurt. She felt sorry for him and knew she had forever destroyed something which had been comfortable and nice.
“That stuff gets stuck in my teeth.” Neil replied back. “Can you grab me a couple red apples, if you are getting it?”
“Sure.” She answered him and walked over to the apples with the bag of popcorn in hand. She pulled out a couple of the biggest and nicest looking once and placed them in a small plastic bag the store offered.
Walking to the front of the store, she smiled at the very cashier Dalen had been dealing with, but by this time he was gone.
Her heart was a contradiction. It felt both heavier and lighter after speaking to him. She knew he would need a lot of time before even looking at her wouldn’t bring negative emotions, and she promised herself to take the opportunities to walk away if ever she were to bump into him again.
---***---
Blake appeared at the shopping center at the allotted time to pick Riane up. He approached Ivy and Riane who were enjoying a small lunch at the food court. They both appeared to have chosen burgers from one of the fast food chains.He smiled at Ivy as he walked up to the table which was surrounded by many other shoppers. It was very loud with all the chatter, but he was heard well enough when he announced himself.
Ivy stood up and hugged him briefly, “It’s good to see you.”
“Nice to see you too.” He responded even though he had just seen her last week when she and Riane had done this exact same thing. Not to mention every week before that, but he figured she didn’t know what else to say.
“We just started eating.” Riane told him when he kissed her cheek before continuing to stand and looking around the food court.
“Good, I am hungry. I’ll go find something.” He told her before getting into the shortest line to a Chinese food stand.
Ivy noticed Blake always kissed her cheek as if it was out of obligation, because neither of them looked as if they enjoyed the touch. “I guess we went over, huh?”
Riane nodded, “Yeah, but that is why I suggested we eat lunch.”
She knew her friend had done this on purpose as to prolong the time before Riane had to be alone with Blake again. It was sad to know how close they once were and how comfortable Riane was around him, only for it to be completely destroyed by her father. He added an element into their relationship which had died on Riane’s side and was dying in Blake’s heart.
Now it constantly looked like they were trying to make something work they didn’t have their heart set in. Ivy knew a thing or two about forcing feelings, but this was also not her place.
She had ordered a kid’s burger and had finished it by the time Blake had returned to the table with a bowl of white rice and kung pao chicken poured over it.
“Done already?” Blake asked as he sat down.
She nodded with a smile before looking at the clock on her phone, “Yep, and I need to get home. I have a night shift and I want to get in a nap and a shower before I go.” While it was true, she had more than enough time, she just didn’t want to be around the uncomfortable couple more than necessary.
Riane and Ivy hugged goodbye, and she simply waved at Blake before disappearing into the crowd.
The two ate in relative silence, before Blake spotted a couple in the distance. They were holding hands on the table and he looked down at Riane’s left hand which just rested on the table as she finished up her french fries.
He had tried this before and had been rejected, but Riane had told him she wanted to legitimately give their relationship a shot. He knew it would never work out, but part of him wanted to try even if he knew he really should be helping her to see Julian again. Half of him was a would be romantic partner and the other half her best friend, and the two were always at odds with one another.
Today, the would be romantic partner had won the day, and he reached out his hand to hold her own. It shocked Riane and she retracted her hand immediately, and she seemed to play it off as they had accidentally bumped hands.
Blake didn’t know why he decided to bring this up here in the middle of all these people, but his selfish side would not wait. “Are you certain you want to try to make this work between us? I told you if you want you can...”
She cut him off, “I am not interested in seeing him. It’s over. Yes, I want to give this a try. I want to make this work.”
“But no touching you at all then?” He watched her look at him with concern and curiosity. “You don’t want me to kiss you or hold your hand. You realize for this to work, I am going to have to do a lot more touching than that some day, right?” He regretted speaking those words immediately. They made him sound like some horny jerk who only wanted her for sex.
Riane to her credit remained calm, but in truth she had never really gotten mad at him since they started dating. “I know, but I am just not ready.”
He already knew that, “It’s been months, and I just don’t see this working out. I feel like we are both wasting our time, but more and more I feel like you are using me to stay here.” Again, he felt like an asshole for speaking so bluntly, but the friend portion of his mind remained silent. He needed to know where he stood truthfully, so his heart wouldn’t think there could ever be a future if there was none to be had.
Riane scoffed, “You were the one who told my father you agreed to this. You wanted me to stay here instead of being sent away. If you recall, I had absolutely no say in this relationship until after a deal was struck with my father.”
“So, you would have rather I let you go half way across the country to people you didn’t even know?”
She slowly shook her head, “No, I am not saying that. I am both grateful and resentful for what has happened. I am also heartbroken, but you can’t make me heal or forgive any faster than I can.”
Blake poked at his meal with his fork for several moments, before looking up at Riane and offering a nod. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. This is very frustrating and sometimes I forget this is even harder on you.”
Riane shook her head quickly and reached out her hand to hold his own. “This is difficult for us both. I really am trying, but I didn’t just lose a boyfriend, I lost many friends too and people who were becoming a family to me.” She paused briefly as if to prevent herself from crying. “My life was starting to feel like my own, and my father just couldn’t let that happen. No, he has to be in control.”
“Shouldn’t we just call this off, even if it is just between us, and then we can figure a way to help you that doesn’t involve us getting married?” There it was; the friend side of him finally speaking up.
“No.” She shook her head. “If my father ever found out I was lying to him, he would make things far worse than they are now. We have to move forward with integrity or nothing at all.”
There was she destroying his friend portion once again, even though he knew she desperately wanted to take him up on the offer.
“We can’t go on like this forever, Riane.”
She gave a nod, “I know. We won’t. Just give me a little more time, and I’ll figure myself out.”
He didn’t believe that at all. The more she promised the more he sort of let the friend in him die, even though he knew it was wrong. Even though it was selfish to want to believe her lies because he wanted them to be true. He didn’t want to break things off, because he knew that would mean losing her forever.